Crap. Lady Gaga's Speechless is making me feel worse.
I hate disappointing people, and feel disappointed about myself.
Hate that my passion can fluctuate, hate that I can't stay firm enough in whatever I want to say/do.
Don't know if leaving the band is the right choice, if I will regret and hate myself for it in future.
You boys, were a joy to be with. Missed the nonsense/laughters/the inspirations we had. Missed the after-jamming fastfood suppers with creepy tales. Missed the goosebumps I get when I listen to our jamming stuff. Missed the vibe when I listen to K's riffs or P's indie kicks. Missed L's annoying drumming when we try to focus. Missed the times when I always thought we could make it somewhere, somehow.
But now it has become vague. I can't bear to leave, but neither my passion is strong enough to make me stay. I have unknowingly become a workhalic/shopaholic.
I need to be conscious.
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