AGE MESSES WITH YOUR HEAD

I'm back. It seems like I'm turning my supposedly-light-hearted blog into my unhappy well. Sorry readers.

Now, I'm feeling less uptight after having some money in my pocket. I don't know what has gotten into me but ever since I graduated, I became kinda stressed up. Maybe it's my impatience trying to get the sense of achievement or what. Or maybe I just need to be kept busy with what I know I'm doing. Like what I told boobsie, I miss having control of my life. Every once in a while, I'll think if I'm on the right track too. But honestly, right now I'm prioritizing my time on my boy before he goes army. So hopefully after November, I'll get my mood straight and do things with 200% effort.

Today, I felt bad as a daughter because my edgy dad stormed out of the house at 3am in the morning and it started because of me. Though he was really the incredible and unreasonable one but I guess if I had gone home earlier, it would have saved a lot of trouble. I hope mom's assumptions of the reason behind his bizarre actions last night wasn't true. Like what big fish said, no matter how mature I think I am, I am never in their eyes because they still love us and see us like a baby. I think I can fully understand that. And with that, I'm desperate to show them I'm grown up and I can make the right choices. Even if it was a mistake, I would learn from it. On top of it, I wanna spoil them with what I can and it sort of frustrates me because I don't even know I can survive. Though they never asked for anything from me but I just feel that I should be giving them something already. Just wanna see them happy and not worry about me. Also, I'm worried whether I am living up to my loved ones' expectations especially my brother and aunt. Does anybody feels the same here?

Sometimes, I wonder what life has for me and I envy how people can live their passion without struggling.

Wanna blog more but am having a writer's block now. Good luck to everyone out there.


Peace
xoxo